There are many clubs in London. Ones are good, ones are bad and overrated. I'm not a fan of Soho or the popular clubs where all bloody hipsters are masturbating over a pair of vintage jacket or my stolen studded hat. I am not a fan of places where "electro music" means new Britney's remix by David Guetta (kudos to DJ). And finally I am not a fan of places where people who are calling themselves DJs are playing from WinAmp, iPod or iTunes. Honey, let's be honest - you're a shit not a DJ and all you should do with your "talent" is get a line of cocaine and die. Bye. But there's East Bloc. A place that became my second home. Sometimes I am asking myself where am I staying more often - in my bed or in that club? And the answer is - I don't know. As I am a party monster I prefer a good dance and some sweat instead of the pillow and sweet dreams. I don't mid kissing hot guys too. But bitches are cheeky - they're sharing their tongues and mouths and they are never calling you again. Yeah, twats.
On Sunday I went to "The Block Party: Official Launch". The whole idea was born in Mark-Ashley Dupé's head who's already the host of super popular Dupés Den party in East Bloc. To be honest, I am not a fan of parties on Sunday. After every Friday and Saturday night I am praying to God to kill me instead of sending me to another party that will last till the early morning. But I promised to myself that I will go and write a review. So I stayed at home on Saturday night and cumulated my energy for Sunday (I was sleeping the whole day after the after party that lasted till, I don't remember, 12pm?). But then a suprise was waiting for me. All my friends were busy, preparing something for work or uni or just having sex. As I'm a single guy I had no excuses. I had to dress up and go, hoping I won't regret it. And as a single guy I was hoping I will maybe meet someone interesting there so my Valentine won't be called "Table for one, please".
East Bloc is a place where you can feel totally safe. The security is better than a condom. Never breaks. Never leaks. If something is going wrong - the guy or a girl is being taken out, and bye, so long, goodbye, don't cry. Boys in a cloakroom are my favourite couple, but don't be rude to them - they may bite you. Thank God they are not fans of my veins and blood and I can always get in front of the line to leave my jacket (Mark & George - thank you for being so understanding that I "have to go in because I need to pee immediately!"). Anyway, let's talk about the party. Sunday's party was hosted by: Mark-Ashley Dupé (mentioned before), Richard Logins (who's an amazing hunk), Jake Cook (who became single - so watch him) and Joelle Hyland, Kwame Suaavve. One of my friends who came to East Bloc for the first time in his life said: "OMG so all the hot guys are coming here! And I was spending all my time in Vauxhall before - not anymore!". But the truth is that the club is full of hotties! Seriously, trust me - all the hot guys are coming to East Bloc. Avantgarde ones, East Londoners, club kids, hunks, even guys like me who lives in Camden love the atmosphere of the place. Because it's just absolutely good. But enough of rimming. Time to say something about the music. I think I haven't heard better mix of 90's, R'n'B and hip hop in ages. I swear. DJs made me cum. I was this close to get my cock out and cum on the dancefloor. There were three of them in the main room: Kartel Brown (Dupés Den/Bootylicious), Jeffrey Hinton (Fruit Machine/Joiners Arms), Miguel Dare (Dupés Den/DanceDanceDance) and two in the BOY London's room: Sick Bwoy and Gareth Emmett. When it comes to BOY London boys I don't think there's a need of introducing them - just go to www.leavetheboyalone.com and order some clothes as the beats they are playing are as good as their designs. That night my heart (and my bootey) was stolen by Kartel Brown. I am sorry, I have to admit that it was one of the best parties ever. I do regret it was so short (finished at 4.30). If I could compare his set to sex I'd say it was one of my best shags ever. He played everything I was expecting from 90's r'n'b party - from Janet to Destiny's Child and in the end he made me crazy with my top banger by Azealia Banks "212". I've heard many DJs in my life, as I've been working for DJ Magazine for four years and I've met some super stars. But that guy has a huge talent. And he knows how to rock your mind. And, psst, he's fucking hot, too. Kartel if you're reading that - skip that part. NOW. Or get yourself a drink.
This is my first review of the party here. And I feel a little bit guilty that I didn't write anything bad about the party. But why should I when it was just perfect? It was just like L'Oreal's add. It was worth going there, getting sweaty and having couples of drinks. It was worth spending Sunday with people instead of staying at home and watching some fucked up romantic movies and ordering a double-cheese pizza. I only regret one thing: that everyone had to go to work in the morning and I couldn't find any after party that will kill me and remind me that it's Monday again and it's time to work. But hey, after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar is saying W T F. So boys and girls, pack your things, dress like tomorrow is your last day and come to Sunday's party in East Bloc next time. If I could I'd press "Like" on the Facebook right now. And yes, I kissed a hottie I've met there and I liked it. Your turn.
217 City Road, EC1V 1JN London, United Kingdom